in sequential order; day unknown

i am once again up, awake, for no reason

no real or discernible reason, except that my brain won’t shut off

and yes the address of this blog is what it is because, like the title of the blog says: because what the hell am i thinking was already taken. and so begins the meaningless blog to get this shit out of my head on to a different substrate. i don’t actually know if thats physically possible, but that is my motivation.

because you see, i am tired of it, the thinking that is, no, not like i want to die, jeez, just want a switch to turn it off once in a while. i have a condition, with a known remedy – well it can be slowed down or arrested, if treated constantly with the solution. i know the solution is there and i use it on a regular basis. but sometimes i don’t use it at all, and sometimes i am trying to use the shit out of it but to no avail

the nature of the ailment is this: i am self-centered to the core – a lot more than most, but probably not as much as some. this causes a mutation in the brain that gets stuck on ‘what about me’. so i have been up for hours pondering the unfairness of the universe as it relates to me. its all about me. what i want. what i don’t want. what i like. what i don’t like. right now i don’t like

so i have tried the solution, and it has a component of writing, which i hate, but i am out of options at the moment. the availability of all the options is somewhat limited at the present time. poetry has been an avenue from time to time, but right now I’m not pissed enough to get the emotions out in that genre. it takes a lot of emotion, good or bad, to get the poem out of me. when they come though, they rock, at least i think so. i don’t know if its anything like musicians though, i wonder if they can just sit down and WHAM bust out a song. or, if its more like me and poetry – the highs and lows of life are the muse.

i am not sure how often, nor how plentiful these blogs will be, as this is the first. but i do know i need an outlet, a vent, and paper/pen is such a dated form. and besides, this is for me, not for you, but i have to admit i am curious to see if i get any followers.

still don’t know if i can sleep but at least i did SOMETHING