The last pair of pants

These are (this is?!?) my last pair of pants. Not because I can’t afford new ones. And not because the stores are all closed today. These are my last pair of pants because I refuse to buy any more. You see, my diet of late consists solely of EWTHIW (eating whatever the hell i want). This results in a metabolic phenomenon known as FAT, but only when properly combined with a sedentary lifestyle. It’s quite the accomplishment. I have managed to gain back almost all of the 30 pounds i lost last year.

Back to the pants, ‘cause that’s what’s really important here. I refuse to buy THAT size; you know – THAT size – the one you thought of back in your 20s as the “if i ever get THAT fat then life as i know it will basically be over”. Well here i am. I refuse to buy THAT size. I refuse to admit that life as i know it has to be over. Now comes the hard part. Where does one go to purchase a new waistline? No, I don’t mean which gym do i join. I don’t mean what sort of organic crap do i get from Whole Paycheck. I want to know where i can buy a new waistline. I’m employed. I even have a savings account. People of my means shouldn’t have to bother with the menial task of actually exerting oneself or, god forbid, reducing caloric intake. How gauche…

So here I sit, pondering whether i can actually fit into that last pair of pants. And hoping you good people can point me in the direction of the fairy dust of magic spell that will allow me to wear anything but THAT pair of pants.


“Are cannibals always mermaids?” It’s what we’ve all been wondering. Apparently.

I don’t re-blog often but this lady slays me; my mind works just like that! Enjoy…

The Bloggess

You know when you google something and it autocorrects to EXACTLY what you want?  No, you don’t.  Because that doesn’t happen.

Like when I was trying to figure out if women were ever cannibals, or if it’s more of an all-male profession and Google was all, “I’LL HELP YOU!”


First of all, you are not going to guess what I’m googling based on just the word “Are”.  Secondly, who is googling “Are you here?”  What are you expecting as an answer?

Then I kept typing and this happened:

are ca

Google:  “Oh, my bad.  You were looking for something else, obviously.  I’ll just let you finish -WAIT – IS IT, “ARE CARROTS GOOD FOR DOGS?“”

No, Google.  Of course it’s not.  Just.  Stop.   I don’t need your help.

are canGoogle:  “Oops.  Sorry.  I fucked up.  I’ll shut up and – “ARE CANDY CORNS GLUTEN FREE?“”

OMG, stop it, Google…

View original post 357 more words

new years revolutions

Once again we are faced with the onslaught of media driven drivel about what we should be resolute about changing or starting or stopping in our daily lives. I for one am tired of being told how to live.
However, there are things which require maintenance and upkeep on a semi-regular basis. Since I have a desire to stay on the planet for a few more years I instituted a diet and exercise regimen a few months ago to stave of diabetes.
This week I started posting the “in your face” political smatterings on my tweeter account (don’t correct me; this is my blog!). On 2facedbook I have a habit of tweeking my friends of the opposing political persuasion by lambasting them with my opinion or ‘sharing’ a political hatchet article just to piss off those with whom i disagree. Well i must be getting soft in my old age, or maybe just tired of the fight – the constant BS eschewed by both sides. Either way, the F-book will be reserved mostly for pictures, sentiment, and well wishes, along with a little of whats up in my life. The tweeters should beware; this is my new war zone.

imageAs for revolutions, and the twist on words in the title, i prefer revolution over resolution. My resolute usually dissolves within weeks; hence, REVOLUTION! The violent overthrow of the current mindset, as witnessed by the dribble above, and this…
A few days ago i started taking, processing, and posting a photo a day. I intend on continuing this in the new year as a 365 project. My goal is to post to my photo-blog
on a daily basis with links sent to 2facebook and g+ and tweeter.

Vive la revolution! and Happy New Year

What’s REALLY Going on in Crimea?

Seems plausible to me

My Not So Humble Opinion

There’s a lot of speculation going around lately about what’s the source of all the trouble in the Crimea region of Ukraine. Many are blaming Moscow for stirring up trouble, possibly as a precursor to an invasion. I’m here to reassure you now that the truth is something far, far more sinister:

It’s the people at Rand McNally.

To understand why, you have to go all the way back to the end of the 1980s and the beginning of the 1990s. Things were looking good at first for high school students; we had one less Germany to memorize for Geography class, and only one Berlin to worry about, but we still had it pretty easy as far as Eastern Europe and Asia went. Basically all you had to know was “U.S.S.R.” and “China” and you got at least a C.

Then suddenly the U.S.S.R. broke up without any warning, and…

View original post 251 more words

Flip Flop Shuffle

Of all the things that bother me, and the list can be long at times, the sound of flip flops slapping away makes me want to scream!

Now mind you, I am in to the laid back scene on occasion and in the right arena. BUT when I am at work on the bosses dime and all around me people are bustling to beat the band…..
The last thing I expect to hear is the incessant banter of feet slapping flip and ground slapping flop over and over and over and over and over

Sorry. The cadence got caught in a loop

This is a professional office. Yes there are jokes, and the occasional wearing of jeans, and of course I must keep in mind that health accommodations must be made. And in ‘sunny California’ one should expect a loose interpretation of the dress code from all the surfer dudes.

And yet here we are in the wet season – with flip flops!!! And don’t get me started on the hygiene aspect. Nasty. Don’t get me wrong though; a nice pair of sandals worn by the fairer sex is fine. The sandals at least pretend to be shoes.
Flip flops are a throwback to the destitute attempting a modicum of podiatric protection…not acceptable office attire.

Just for the record: this rant comes after months of being water boarded by the same individual doing the Librium UGG shuffle from copier to microwave to desk to bosses office to water dispenser to…..

I’m being hounded by footwear UGG shuffle has a twin too!

If the twin comes in wearing flip flops in the near future I think I’m gonna scream…again


Scorched earth
Alpha to omega
The line in the sand

Please help. I need a good working title. Something catchy but also packs a punch. Gravitas; that’s what I need…

Dodging E.L.E: avoiding an extinction level event


You see, my wife and I are on a mission. We are going to eradicate debt before it eradicates us. My spending is atrocious by some standards; she’s better than I am in most areas. Our bills are not the end of the world but our emergency fund is anemic. Savings is almost non-existent. Retirement is too little too late – scratch that – its never too late.

But all that changes now
Hence forth, we shall be the un spenders. Retail outlets will speak of us only in whispers; of dark shadows in dark corners. Ghosts of spenders past, lurking out on the fringes of commerce

I’m thinking – Amish – without the beard

Cut and slash extraneous expenditures, sell unnecessary items to pay down the monster. Nothing is safe; you have been warned…

P.S. my next posting will come as soon as I can figure out how to upload papyrus

Mars and Venus have nothing to do with it

I truly believe that I am the luckiest man on the planet. I love my wife very much. And I believe that she loves me.

And that my friends is the beginning and the end of relationships: it’s everything in between that is diametrically opposed. Ok, I exaggerate. But sometimes I really think that we are not even for the same galaxy.

I could swear that I just said ‘blue’ and now we are arguing about bananas. WTF!?!?!

Maybe they’re blue bananas…

No, it must be the core processors. I’ve got too much ram and her motherboard circuitry is hard wired to the space-time continuum. No, I only know enough about computers to be dangerous, but the analogy sounded so much better in my brain.

Do rare earth magnets have just as strong a repulsion as they do attraction?
That’s it! Reverse polarity; or Venus is in retrograde – no, we decided to discard that whole same universe deal….didn’t we

Well, back to the drawing board or blue bananas ( no that’s not a metaphor, but it might be if I don’t clean up this mess), until one of us gets total recall and figures out which Quaid we are today

Volume two: the undertaking

My funk , or rather my tirade like a two-year-old was a monumental achievement. The cherry on top of the shitpile of my evening. My better half usually reminds me it’s not very sexy when I act like a toddler, but tonight the look said it all; I’m forecasting a dry week

My intentions were noble, post the c-list add for those semi valuable items that someone may want for their loved one for Xmas, and bring cash into my budget for my would be giftees.

But I slipped into a technological black hole of senility and couldn’t manage the simple transfer of pictures from my phone to the laptop to the damn website, at the optimum size. Now mind you, this has been done in my sleep hundreds of times. But not tonight

What drives a person to the brink of insanity over such an innocuous situation? Why does my brain insist that the only logical course of action is to put my laptop out of its misery by taking it for a swim? These questions haunt me on occasion

Well the flood of endorphins has begun to subside, which may allow sleep to overcome the “I’m so tired I can’t go to sleep” syndrome. At least I hope so. Tomorrow it’s back for more training ( and for once I am really enjoying it) so I’d like to be awake

I will spew forth more thought gunk soon
PS wish I hadn’t upgraded ios, losing jailbreak; don’t autocorrect my ass unless I ask for it – dammit!

in sequential order; day unknown

i am once again up, awake, for no reason

no real or discernible reason, except that my brain won’t shut off

and yes the address of this blog is what it is because, like the title of the blog says: because what the hell am i thinking was already taken. and so begins the meaningless blog to get this shit out of my head on to a different substrate. i don’t actually know if thats physically possible, but that is my motivation.

because you see, i am tired of it, the thinking that is, no, not like i want to die, jeez, just want a switch to turn it off once in a while. i have a condition, with a known remedy – well it can be slowed down or arrested, if treated constantly with the solution. i know the solution is there and i use it on a regular basis. but sometimes i don’t use it at all, and sometimes i am trying to use the shit out of it but to no avail

the nature of the ailment is this: i am self-centered to the core – a lot more than most, but probably not as much as some. this causes a mutation in the brain that gets stuck on ‘what about me’. so i have been up for hours pondering the unfairness of the universe as it relates to me. its all about me. what i want. what i don’t want. what i like. what i don’t like. right now i don’t like

so i have tried the solution, and it has a component of writing, which i hate, but i am out of options at the moment. the availability of all the options is somewhat limited at the present time. poetry has been an avenue from time to time, but right now I’m not pissed enough to get the emotions out in that genre. it takes a lot of emotion, good or bad, to get the poem out of me. when they come though, they rock, at least i think so. i don’t know if its anything like musicians though, i wonder if they can just sit down and WHAM bust out a song. or, if its more like me and poetry – the highs and lows of life are the muse.

i am not sure how often, nor how plentiful these blogs will be, as this is the first. but i do know i need an outlet, a vent, and paper/pen is such a dated form. and besides, this is for me, not for you, but i have to admit i am curious to see if i get any followers.

still don’t know if i can sleep but at least i did SOMETHING